between joy and deep grief

my illusion



if you really want to know whats on my mind... i think i will give it a try even when you live in germany, but i dont know if i can handle the distance... they say when its real love, it will cross the border, no matther how far... but i shouldn´t say these sort of feelings, cause you allready think i´m gek hahaha


when i was at my friedns place (the one who made my hair), she is still in contact with the best friend of my exboyfriend
 she showed me some new pictures of him
 and well, in the beginning it was strange
 but after a while i really didnt feel sad or "bedroefd" or something like this
 i know that there is nothing left about us
 i know i have no feelings for him anymore, just a kind of.. pity, that it came to that bad end
 but its more like.. being afraid of getting into another thing.. that makes me sad
 i think thats the point
 not that i dont want to be with you, or that i dont have feelings for you
 integendeel ?!

 you have the rigth to feel that, be carefull for your own feelings is a good thing... i also dont like to be hurt... i told you before that i also had a relation were the last year or some was really unhappy, and i promissed myself i never want to be in a sort of position again, so im also carefull... but something inside tells me that i shouldn´t have that feeling about you, maybe thats why i
 like you so much...

25.5.10 21:24

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